how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Couch. On fire.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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