She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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