Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
even my farts smell like vagina
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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