How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize