I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
