No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
