I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
