it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
