The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Actions speak louder than pants.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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