I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
