Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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