you guys were way drunker than both of me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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