Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
