I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
