i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize