you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
