Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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