dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
