My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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