you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
