I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
