Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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