pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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