Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
