I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
