One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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