Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
