it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
