remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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