i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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