Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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