Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
