I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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