that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
