My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
