I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
