That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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