remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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