she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
