I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
