Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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