You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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