is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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