I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize