i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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