Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
