Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My vagina is officially offended.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
