I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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