It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
