i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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