He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
