Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
