In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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