You really coming over, don't trick.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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