i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
