Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
