respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
