Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
