i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Everyone says I win the strip club
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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