I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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