hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Help. Why am I so naked?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
