She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
