Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would ride that face into the sunset
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
