I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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