I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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