Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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