Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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