You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
