I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
