if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
