the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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