while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
