So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tell her she can't have a vagina
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I sprained my soul last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
40s are totally the cure
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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