yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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