mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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