Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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