So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
