I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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