My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
